Ponderings..

I've been in a bit of a funk the last few days. Plus I was sick Sunday.

Thankfully I am better and it didn't last long.

I've come to realize how fragile our lives on this earth are.

We aren't guaranteed to have a long and happy life and I believe there are few who do.

I belong to a message board that I have been a member of for quite some time but didn't post at much until this year. I know a lot of the women on the board from another board.

Recently one of the women has been diagnosed with a form of cancer. It is treatable.
It has just really hit home to me how fragile life really is.

This news has literally hit me like a ton of bricks.

This woman has many many people praying for her and supporting her.

If you remember, say a prayer for her.

Yeah, I know, I said stuff about message boards before, and I know there is no message board out there that is perfect. But, I've lived and learned about message boards. This message board is good.

What I've learned about the internet

And message boards. In no particular order.

*never assume anything

*never assume anyone is your friend

*people on the ‘net embellish

*anything posted is open for ridicule

*people that post on message boards do have friends in real life

*never pm or e mail anything you don’t want others to know

*never publish private messages or e mails

*people will always mock kind gestures

*even if you have met someone, sometimes you can’t trust them

*you cannot change peoples opinions of yourself

*people will always think you have a motive for doing something kind

*if you own a board, have clear and concise rules

*don’t have separate rules for mods/admins

*respect is a two way street

*rarely is the whole story ever known

*inaccuracies abound on the 'net, sometimes they are harmful

*sometimes people like drama

*there is even drama on a crochet board

*women can be catty

*sometimes the hurt isn't a lot, but it's hurt none the less

*never have “private” forums because they really aren’t private

*nothing is private on the ‘net

*it doesn’t matter if you get hurt, people will always justify their behavior

*don’t expect an apology

*there is always a ripple effect

*don’t think you can ever be a part of a message board community, even if you post and get to know others on the board

*there are some worthless crap posts out there, don’t assume your posts are not WCP even if you didn't intend for them to be

*not everyone that posts on message boards is socially inept

*Don't give your input, even when it's asked because it will be seen as complaining.

*don't tell the board owners if you have a problem, or issue,or opinion, even if they ask. It will be seen as complaining

*be careful what you share

*post count means nothing

*my internet world is getting smaller and smaller

*nothing shocks me anymore

~~I'm surprised there isn't even one comment on this post since a lot of people have read it!

Psalm 34:13-14
13 Keep your tongue from evil,
And your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

Wow, I'm shocked.

Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice? No, I suppose not since it's typed, but believe me, it's there.

There's a message board I joined a while ago. Well, joined is the wrong word since I was "invited". This is a board that developed from a group of women being banned from another site. We had been on yet another board that basically folded.

One of the women started this new board and said it was a clean board with none of the hurtful things from other boards and recent happenings.

I guess my first mistake was in thinking that these women were my "friends". Turns out they really really aren't. As it turns out they aren't many peoples friends at all!!

Follow me so far?? Well here's more. A few months ago some other friends of mine started yet another board. I was a part of that board before it imploded, but it's still struggling along. One thing we wanted to be sure of was to not have "secret" forums where the members could talk about other members. We had all seen it happen and agreed we absolutely did not want any more of that type of board. We wanted a place where people knew about all the board happenings openly. Yes, we have a mod forum but there is absolutely no talking about members there. It is strictly for mod business.

Imagine my surprise--oops, there goes my sarcasm again, when I learned today that this board I was "invited" to has an "inner sanctum". You guessed it. This is the place where these "friends" tear down other members and women from other boards!
Nothing and no one is beyond ridicule. They mock post subjects, what people post on other boards, political views, almost anything is open season.
I was banned from that board for sending a link to the chronicles to two women. I know that in our place that some of those women would have done the exact same thing. the EXACT same thing!
And I wonder if the person that posted the e mail and private messages was banned??? Probably not since she is a co admin of the board anyway. Different rules apply.

Well, I am disgusted. I am so done with message boards. I guess I should have known better. Really. I am so disillusioned right now. With message boards and people.

I.AM.DONE.


Apparently I can add another board I am banned at to the list!! I'm surprised I wasn't made a miserable user.

And struggling?? Yeah, we are all struggling over this. It's not exclusive to one group of women, it's everyone involved.


Please DO NOT use my blog to snipe at other people in the comment area. That is NOT the purpose of this blog.

1 Peter 3:8
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.

Mama Drama

I have belonged to several message boards that have come to an end. Most of it has to do with Mama Drama. Most of these boards were support boards
Why mothers can’t be supportive of one another I don’t know. It’s not a contest to see whose child potty trains first or talks or walks or eats solids or says the alphabet or knows all their numbers first. Yet that is exactly what a lot of the message boards are. It’s a huge mommy competition.
What is should be is women and mothers supporting each other and pooling their knowledge into helping each other and bouncing ideas off one another. Not bashing each other. How sad that, again and again, we moms seem to fall short of being there for each other ... giving in to conflict and disagreements every time.
And heaven forbid if you say you just find it hard to believe that a one year old knows numbers up to twenty—you get flamed for it.
Yes, there is plenty of MamaDrama abounding on these message boards.
Then you have the women who boast about their relationships but again, if you say one word about how you don’t think it’s all peaches and cream, you get nailed. And certainly any talk about income was laughed at. I’ve certainly learned many things about people along the way.
So, I have been hurt on message boards and I know I have hurt others. Some women think they own the market on hurt. I know of a message board that was started because people “had been hurt on other message boards”!! Well duh!! Haven’t we all been there and done that?? Yet a lot of those same women were the cause of some huge hurt when one thread was started. Talk about mama drama—that was it at it’s finest. I guess the old saying is true: “birds of a feather flock together”.
In seeing these message boards fold, I’ve learned that a lot of the issues have to do with lack of communication or miscommunication, and personal attacks. Is it so hard to ask someone something if you have an issue with them, or to contact someone you may have an issue with??
The animosity and hateful words I have experienced on these boards has been almost too much. Righteous people acting like they are not at fault at all, when the fact is their very behavior was the cause of the drama. It’s laughable when one board in particular started out of the drama of another support board, yet the moment the new board came into existence, there was drama and controversy behind the scenes and the admin allowed it to continue which I believe led to this particular boards demise.
In belonging to an online community, you come to think of the participants as friends too. Sometimes there are meet-ups and you actually get to know these women in person. Friendships seem to form. I’ve learned that people sometimes pretend to be your friend when they aren’t really. I’ve learned that some of these women were never my friends at all.
Needless to say, I haven’t been posting much on any message boards lately. Just taking a step back and reassessing the whole message board thing. I'm pretty sure it happens on all message boards but I know a lot of hurt feelings can be alleviated with simple communication. Often even simple communication seems too hard for some. Before assuming something, next time try communication to clarify, sometimes it really works and you can avoid all kinds of hurt feelings.

Message board ruminations

I’ve learned a lot about message boards. I joined my first message board in 2001. The following thoughts are a conglomeration of almost all of the message boards I have been a part of. My husband agrees that there are a ton of issues on message boards too. He belongs to several woodworking boards that have had issues similar to mine.
Most message boards are for three reasons:
1. Support
2. Exchange of information
3. Advice
What I have also learned about message boards is that Communication is difficult. It is difficult to hear the tone on a message board, people are not always clear in their typing, and I believe that can lead to:
1. Gossip
2. Miscommunication
3. Misunderstanding
4. Hurt feelings.
5. Assumptions
My thought has always been if you have something to ask someone, ask the person instead of assuming something. That always leads to even more issues.

I have seen miscommunication and lack of communication ruin message boards. I have seen many many people hurt by actions that resulted from a lack of communication or miscommunication and gossip. How can you resolve something if you don’t talk to people? How can you come to a conclusion if you don’t talk to people? Instead what I have seen is gossip and lack of communication. I have seen people that feel inadequate make up gossip that has been hurtful. I was the recipient of nasty gossip at one time. Apparently I made someone feel inadequate with my housekeeping/childcare skills and of my crocheting. This was another mother too.But this woman didn’t come to me, instead she started hurtful gossip about me!! And other women that I thought were friends joined in. Did one of those women come to me to discuss any issues??? No, they didn’t.

It truly is baffling to me. When did trust, confidence and communication become SO hard it just stops? Why does this happen among friends? Is it so hard to just e mail or PM or IM someone to clear something up?? To communicate??

Then there is the gossip. I know that I struggle with gossip on a daily basis. The Bible has a lot to say about gossip. Here is just one verse:

1 Timothy 5:13
*And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.*

Just to be crystal clear on the subject of gossip—I have done my share and above that of gossiping. It is quite possibly the hardest issues to work on. It’s so easy to just say something. But I try to work on it daily and I believe I am making progress.

With recent events on message boards lately, I have found my heart is not really in it anymore. I need to spend less time on the internet anyway.

Closings.........Final Thoughts

A message board that I used to frequent is closing. Today is the last day. I cannot say my goodbyes on the board so I am doing it here.
This board was started almost 3 years ago as an offshoot of another board that was much bigger. So I have known some of those women since 2001 when I joined the first board.
I went through my pregnancy and birth and first years of my sons life with these women. We shared intimate details of our lives and our struggles with PCOS and our struggles to raise our babies.
We met. We had two huge Wisconsin Dells meet ups and I met some of the women individually.
I cannot assume to know why the board is closing but I certainly have a very good idea why it is all happening. Sadly, I played a role in the board closing.
I will miss all of the women too. Yes, I said all. They each had their own wonderful personalities and that is what made the board a success.
I have learned a great deal throughout all of this. I have mostly learned that you can't assume anything in life and you really need the whole story, and not just one side, or your own side of the story.
People I thought were friends all along, weren't really.
The whole situation saddens me a great deal. I have not been part of that community for about a month now. I am deeply saddened by the whole incident and most espsecially the board closing, it was a very close knit community.
I will always be thankful for the season I spent on the board and the friendships I gained and the knowledge learned.
I will remember the board and the women with a smile.